My Deep Feelings

I am not one to get up in front of people and "bear my testimony."  It makes me want to puke.  However, if I am giving a lesson or a talk I will share my feelings sincerely and usually bear witness of the gospel.  Eric, Kennedy and I all "got" to speak this past Sunday in church.  I was asked to introduce our family and share  my testimony.  I agreed because I know I can do that.  It's not easy, but I can do it.  Because I am an emotional nervous person in this situation, I wrote everything down.  Not the norm for a testimony but as I've said before, "we don't do anything normal."  It may be a long time before I do it again so I wanted to post it here. I included a personal experience with it which isn't how things are necessarily supposed to be done, but that's okay.  I'm not normal.  Sharing my beliefs is something I prefer to do by actions, not in words.  Hopefully, my children will appreciate this someday and anyone else that was wondering about me:)  Here goes...

I have a simple belief in this gospel.  I believe in our modern day prophet, Thomas S. Monsen.  I believe he acts on behalf of God and leads and directs us.  Since I believe in that, I also believe in the prophets leading up to him, especially Joseph Smith.  Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ and helped restore the gospel through the translation of the Book of Mormon.  I believe this to be a book of God along with the Bible, Doctrine & Covenants and Pearl of Great Price.  Through the restored gospel, I am grateful for the Priesthood and the power it brings to us on this earth.  The temple is a true blessing for us. 

Years ago when the kids were little (yes once upon a time they were little) Eric’s job did not allow him many Sundays off so sacrament meeting was a circus creating lots of anxiety for me.  Out with one child, meant leaving the other 3 to fend for themselves which meant chaos.  I have a hard time imposing on others so I justified staying home for the first hour and coming to the second two.  Well this went on long enough that someone noticed.

I went in to get my temple recommend renewed and after a bit of small talk, the first question the bishop asked me was, “Are you attending your sacrament meetings?”  “Seriously?” was my reply.  He nodded head yes.  I could tell it wasn’t easy for him.  I immediately  felt the tears.  I said, “You mean the other two hours don’t count?” (Humor always helps.) Lots of emotions welled up - mad, sad, embarrassed.  I realized I wasn’t worthy to get my recommend without attending that meeting.  He offered help from his family and other members in the ward.  I went home very humbled but knew I needed to be at sacrament meeting.  For the next 6 weeks, someone sacrificed to help me during sacrament meeting.  At first it was our good friends from another ward then one Sunday Sister Crompton came up to me and asked if one of the twins could sit with their family.  I hesitated but she insisted.  I have a lot of pride and didn’t want to need help from someone else or ruin their Sunday.  I gave in and it was a life saver.  Up until 4 months ago, when we moved from Henderson, all three boys took turns sitting with the Crompton’s on Sunday.  It was a special treat for them.  All this, so I could be in sacrament meeting to partake of the atonement and be worthy to attend the temple.  I know it all plays an integral part to my eternal salvation and in turn to my family’s.  I am so grateful we are an eternal family and I have the knowledge of that.  My faith gives me hope and makes me happy.  I am blessed with a husband who holds the priesthood and takes his responsibility of husband and father very serious.  My children are a constant reminder of everything that’s right in this world.  I am beyond grateful to be their mom. 

I know God loves me.  It’s important for all of us to feel loved.  I just finished Elizabeth Smart’s book and the main thing that kept her going was knowing that God loved her.  God has a plan for each of us - a very unique plan.  Moving here, into this ward is all part of the plan.  We have always felt like our ward is our family and cherish relationships that we nourish there.  Our friends are our family and we also cherish those relationships.  Once you become friends with me, we’re friends for life. The gospel brings us all together with a common goal.  None of us are perfect, especially not me. I am striving each day to be obedient and keep the commandments.  I know that if I focus on those two things, I can't go wrong.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.